Seirei Tsukai no Blade Dance Volume 5, Epilogue

For some reason, KuroiHikari (from Baka-Tsuki) wanted me to redo the epilogue translation, so here it is.

Kamito awakened on a stretcher in the tent.

It seemed Claire and the other had found the unconscious Kamito.

Bandages wrapped his injuries here and there. The clumsily wrapped portions were likely Claire’s handiwork.

(……It looks like the ojou-samas were safe.)

Just as he breathed a sigh of relief and got up—

“You still shouldn’t be moving, Kamito.”

“Owaa, E, Est!”

The fully naked sword spirit quickly lay down beside him.

……No, there were, of course, knee socks covering her feet.

“Est……”

If it were the regular Kamito, this would be where he would scold her,

(Well, I’ll overlook this for today……)

Kamito hugged Est to himself.

“Fuwa……Ka, Kamito!?”

Est’s shoulders shook.

Because she always maintained a cool and expressionless face, that action was interesting.

“……I was lonely. I won’t get mad today so stay with me here.”

With a wry smile, he brought the blanket over Est’s small body.

“Kamito……”

Est widened her violet eyes and attached herself to him.

Her mouth was lightly smiling in joy.

“Kamito, you’re warm……”

“I see.”

While Kamito’s heart raced, he hugged the quivering Est’s shoulders.

Under the blanket, Est told him various things about what happened after she vanished.

About the single moment when her <True Body> had connected with Kamito. But soon after that, the <Gate> had closed again so she now had a personality separate from that of the legendary <Demon Slayer>.

Unexpectedly, the sacred maiden Areishia was a lost memory to the current Est — is what it meant.

Her memory was fragmented, so she her memory only really started from when they’d met about two months ago.

Kamito was confused for a while but—

“……At any rate, it’s fine to just say that Est is Est, right?”

“Yes, Kamito. That understanding is fine.”

……And since it seemed to work, he stopped thinking deeply about it.

Then—

“Kamito, are you really not regretting it?”

“Of course not. I won’t say it twice.”

Kamito replied decisively to Est’s question.

“A cursed demon sword or whatever, Est is my sword — from now on and in the future.”

“But I will steal Kamito’s life……”

“Hey, Est—”

Kamito interrupted.

“Est right now only has about a tenth of the past <Demon Slayer>, right?”

“Yes, Kamito.”

Est nodded from within his arms.

“So the curse is only a tenth of its original. If it’s only that much, at the very least, I won’t turn into a stone during this Blade Dance.”

Kamito stroked Est’s hair.

“I didn’t join the Blade Dance to have a <Wish> granted by the spirit king. But I have found a <Wish> I want to fulfill.”

That was to remove Est’s curse and make her into a true sacred sword.

“Yes, Kamito. I am your sword — for as long as you wish.

She said it with the same expressionless face, but with great vigor behind it.

And at that time.

The entrance to the tent opened—

“Wha!?” “How shameless……!” “Kamito-kun, how bold……”

Ellis, Rinslet and Fianna’s jaws dropped open.

Then—

“Y, you, whwhwh, what are you doing!”

Gogogogogogogogogo……!

Claire approached with her Flame Tongue in hand.

“W, wait, Claire, this is……”

Kamito quickly tried to make an excuse—

The fully-naked-except-for-knee-socks Est stood up in front of Claire.

“Wh, what is it……”

Claire faltered in front of her oppressive force.

“Kamito is my master.”

“……E, even so, this is a problem about you sleeping together!”

“Claire also sleeps with Scarlet.”

“S, she’s a cat so it’s fine!”

“I am a cat.”

“Eh?”

“I am Kamito’s sword. Kamito’s kitten. Kamito’s toy……that’s why there is no problem.”

Having said that, Est clung onto Kamito.

“Fuaaa……a t, toy……wh, what are you saying!”

Claire yelled with a red face and teary eyes.

“Kamito said he would accept all of me.”

“Wha, what is that……Ka, Kamito is my slave spirit!”

Fianna patted the frustrated Claire’s back.

“Claire, let’s let Est have Kamito for a day. Just for today.”

“Kamito-san, as I thought, you really like small girls!”

“To lay your hands on young girls, th, that needs to be fixed! Become neapolitan!”

The glaring Rinslet and Ellis who had drawn her sword both looked at Kamito with cold eyes.

“It is okay, Kamito. I will protect you.”

“Please spare me the blade dancing……”

—The first night of the <Blade Dance> passed.

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13 responses to “Seirei Tsukai no Blade Dance Volume 5, Epilogue

      • To forgive: to give up resentment of or claim to requital for, as defined in Merriam-Webster. I don’t recall Kamito being particularly resentful or anything.

      • That is pretty rigid, pulling it off using the dictionary. I think most English speakers actually accept it the way I wrote it above, but I’ll concede and write overlook =x.

  1. Hi, I was actually really impressed when I saw how fast you were going. But I looked over a bit of your work with a raw copy of blade dance, and I wanted to show you some translation mistakes I found. These are only TL mistakes, not edits to the actual English. I’m also not trying to discourage you (it’s all part of the learning process), but I think these are things you should be aware of:

    Just as he breathed a sigh of relief and got up— (he tried to get up, or he was on the verge of getting up. Note the ようとする tense)

    “You still shouldn’t be moving, Kamito.” (he shouldn’t get up, not that he shouldn’t move 起きる doesn’t mean move).

    The fully naked sword spirit quickly lay down beside him. (she was already lying next to him. Check the verb. She was also right next to him. すぐ横に means “right next to him,” not “quickly.” Careful!)

    ……No, there were, of course, knee socks covering her feet. (you completely missed the phrase いつもように。You also missed 黒. )

    “Est……”

    If it were the regular Kamito, this would be where he would scold her, (you’re missing a word of contrast at the end here to reflect the だが)

    (Well, I’ll overlook this for today……) (you’re not translating the ぐらい optimally. It should be emphasized that it’s a special exception, something like ‘Well, just today, I’ll overlook this’)

    Kamito hugged Est to himself. (You missed the そっと.)

    “Fuwa……Ka, Kamito!?”

    Est’s shoulders shook. (You skipped the びくん here but that’s probably ok since it doesn’t translate to well into English. Still, you could probably use a more vivid word like “shivered.”)

    Because she always maintained a cool and expressionless face, that action was interesting. (面白い is not correctly translated to “interesting” here. A better word would be “amusing.” It’s not interesting – he is making a statement as to how charmingly unexpected the situation is. Also, “cool” does not modify “face” here, so she was always cool and expressionless, not that she had a cool face. Careful with where your adjectives are going – sometimes you can justify switching words around but here there’s no reason to and it makes it more confusing.)

    “……I was lonely. I won’t get mad today so stay with me here.” (いていい does not imply an order. It implies something softer – “it’s alright if you stay here with me.” What you have here is way too strong).

    That was only the first part of the epilogue, but I think you get the point. You have the potential to be a good translator, but you REALLY need to slow down. I know you think you’re doing people a favor by whizzing through these books as fast as you can, but you’re missing quite a lot and making many avoidable errors. When I first started, there were lines that took me hours to translate – and only when you’re willing to spend that much time figuring stuff out can you get better at translation (otherwise you’ll just continue to make the same mistakes and you’ll never learn).

    If you ever need any advice (on Japanese, TL, etc.), I’d be happy to help. But for now, I really suggest that you look back over the text and your already-published stuff and try to see where you went wrong and fix things up a bit. Rushing this is just going to end badly for you, your readers, and everyone else.

    • A lot of that looks like it was just me being too sleepy.

      First one, it feels like I omitted it in my head.

      Second one, I actually knew that and did it on purpose.

      Third one, I guess I read that as “すぐに横” instead.

      Fourth one, I totally didn’t even realize I didn’t read those two parts.

      Fifth one, does “If it were” not work well enough? I thought it did when I translated it.

      Sixth one, “optimally,” huh…I’ll…work on that somehow. Usually I only proofread the sentence once while I’m going through (I don’t reread).

      Seventh one, and I miss another little phrase.

      Eighth one, I think you may have noticed that I take out the majority of the sound effects from the text. Though I guess using a more “vivid” word might make up for it.

      Ninth one, yeahhhhhh. That actually gave me trouble because I was so sleepy. It actually took about five minutes just for the one line =o=.

      Tenth one, I suppose. I didn’t notice that it felt strong when I did the translation, but having you point it out makes it almost glaringly obvious.

      And now I have to go back and correct it? Sigh, I’m gonna cry about that…though I’ll probably end up doing after volume 8’s prologue…

      As for proofreading anything else…I guess I’ll just skim them again after this.

      EDIT: And sleep more. I wrote “sluttering” on Google earlier today instead of something else.

      • Why did you translate it to “move” on purpose? He can definitely move, as long as he’s in bed. You’re changing the meaning of the work, and in a way that doesn’t quite make too much sense. So I would suggest going back to “don’t get up.”

        And no, “if it were” doesn’t work, as the sentence has to actually set up the next sentence, or else the entire structure is grammatically incorrect. So it has to end on a word of contrast to flow into the quote.

        By the way, it’s good that it took five minutes for you to get a line. That’s a sign that you’re thinking. But the fact that you then just wrote down what you were thinking and moved on is not great – you should be spending way more time if something is confusing you. Think more, search through dictionaries, look at example sentences, whatever – this is where the translator grows the most – through those agonizing sentences that take a long time to translate.

        And really, this isn’t an issue that you can fix by “skimming them again.” I’m actually saying that you should consider going back and rereading the text and making corrections where necessary line-by-line. I know that’s a pain, but it’s the only way you’re going to get better. Seriously, if I’m finding little-to-big omissions and errors almost every line, then it probably doesn’t bode well for the rest of the translation. I’m still pretty convinced that this is all a result of your going too quickly rather than any inherent lack of skill, so what I’m saying is that you should go back, and slowly look over your translation to make it the best it can be. Translators should always be trying to produce their best work. “I was sleepy” isn’t really a valid way to justify it. “I was sleepy, so when I am less sleepy I will look back and correct everything” is better. Do your best and be proud of what you do!

        Just to mention, I don’t reread my translations either. But when I put down a line, I make sure that I’m happy with it before moving on, and that leads to sometimes dwelling on a line for quite a long time. Five minutes is a very common amount of time for me to translate a line – but this time isn’t spent figuring out the Japanese, but rather spent on how to phrase the English in the best way. Little mistakes will exist here and there, but you really shouldn’t be consistently omitting words and misreading things.

        Remember, it’s not about speed, it’s about producing good stuff.

      • I’ll keep that in mind. My mind equated “move” to “getting up” to “moving around (while standing up)”.

        Sorry that my attitude makes me write non-committal things for my responses, but it’s how I say it and I don’t think it’s going to change very soon. Just know that I will be doing it with much more seriousness than my post suggests.

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